Lost and Found

By: MADELEINE WAGSHUL ‘22
PTS Falconer Staff

You lost your sweatshirt. Where is it? Oh, I don’t know, maybe the Lost and Found. Well, looks like you’ll never find it there. Or you’ll die trying from reek of sweat and foot stench. I mean, hey, kudos to you for having a so-called “positive attitude” for finding your lost item, but you will not find it unless you lost your sense of smell. Or, if you have a really bad perception on what’s gross and what’s not. Call me picky, but it’s seriously disgusting. 

On the positive side (in no way is this meant to promote these ideas):

• If you lose all your friends, I bet you can find some centipedes and millipedes in the sweatshirts to be your buddies!

• If you really want to go home from school, just dive in; you’ll catch some weird disease A.S.A.P.! 

• And if you want to get revenge on someone, just throw their phone in the bottom!

Unfortunately, 95% of the people who go looking lose most or all of their dignity. BUT…

It has finally, finally been organized! Yes, yes, it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it at least is clean...ish. This time, I ALMOST didn’t gag when walking in there for research, which is probably your best bet for how clean it’s going to get. On the bright side, you can find your stuff much easier without having to make tunnels in the lost items that resemble a groundhog’s home! All I can say is thank goodness!