My ESL Experience

By LIDONG WANG
PTS Falconer Guest Writer
Confused and miserable, I have tottered on the road of finding myself for more than a year. Going through a quite tough time. I am suffering in this beautiful, vibrant country; nevertheless, learning and improving at the same time. Though I left the ESL class, speaking English as a second language, I am an ESL student for the rest of my life. I started my American school life in ESL program and stayed for one year, I had my unique experience on it.

Coming out from the plane, I stepped into the new world, unprepared, all alone. Imagine a life without knowing anyone at school; imagine a sunny boy trying to make friends with people who are passing by, but not knowing in which way he could say hello properly; Imagine all the people talking all the time but he couldn’t get what are they laughing at. If the ESL courses didn’t give me a hand, someone vulnerable like me might already drown into the unspeakable pressure, broke down even before the life starts. To me, the ESL program not only worked as the buffer for my language barrier but helped me adapt a brand new culture as well.

The relaxing atmosphere at the ESL class stopped my confusion and frustration in the beginning. I won’t be blamed for missing an “s” at the end of a word; I won’t feel ashamed for asking a simple grammar question because the only American in the classroom is Ms. Fernandez or Mrs. Robledo. Back in these days, I felt comfortable while sitting in the ESL classroom; laughter together with broken English spoken by everyone including me has comforted my heart; grades of A in classes of an unfamiliar language have helped me build up the confidence in learning English. Most importantly, I survived from that hardest time, determined to go further and better in future.

However, the hidden bitterness couldn’t just vanished on its own. When someday, laughing with my classmates again, the word “coward” has flashed in my head for no reason. I began to realize the fact that I had been competing with the ones who were not pushing themselves, that in order to rectify my failure, I, together with people around me, had taken ESL as the excuse of not being better. I don’t know when did I fall into the beautiful dream, but I have to drag myself out into the cruel competing reality; after seeing how well an essay could be written by a high school student, how far I have fell behind with the native speakers, strong admiration, in other word, jealousy, has driven me on a path to perfectionism. Life became simple since then:  learning and improving are only aims, bitterness and disadvantage are no longer excuses. I started to learn and dug out happiness from it.

I managed to survive at the beginning of the first year with the help from ESL program; I appreciated that it gave me a chance to catch my breath and maintain my confidence; it is one of the best experiences I have had so far in this country, but I have to let these beautiful memories go. To face the storm all alone, I have to step out from the warm greenhouse first, surviving while growing mature, promoting myself until I am strong enough to take on my responsibility. On the way to success, every mistake I make, all the suffering I have gone through will be finally worth it.